


The Lights Above Our Town

by Bluedream1020



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Gay, Gay Sex, M/M, Smut, blowjob, sad but I swear it'll get happy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-09-27 14:42:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10026308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluedream1020/pseuds/Bluedream1020
Summary: Sequel to I Could Have Fallen Into Him. After years of Kyle longing after his best friend Stan, he finally has him. However, a new revelation threatens to tear the new couple apart. Kyle POV. Mature for smut and language. Reviews are greatly appreciated, Enjoy!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I decided to stop being a lazy piece of shit and finally post this. I hope you enjoy!

“Babe, wake up we’re gonna be late,” I feel Stan nudging me, making his best effort to get me out of bed. Unluckily for him, I’m the world’s heaviest sleeper, “Kyle, pleeaseee get out of bed, you promised you wouldn’t do this.” He begins pulling the blanket off of me, which I respond to by moaning and snatching the blanket back from his hands to pull back over myself.

“I don’t remember signing a contract,” I mumble, earning a heavy sigh from Stan.

“But it’s already 1 in the afternoon, I have to be at the stadium in less than two hours or my coach is going to kill me,” he hops on top of me, with his legs on either side of me, “Kyle, I will not hesitate to wake you up how I did when we were little. Three,” He wouldn’t dare, “Two,” Would he? “One,” I hear him sigh, “Alright Kyle you asked for this,” I feel his tongue travel from my chin to my forehead. I respond by essentially throwing Stan off of the bed.

“STAN THAT’S DISGUSTING!” I begin frantically wiping my face off with my sleeve.

“I WARNED YOU! I GAVE YOU A COUNTDOWN AND EVERYTHING!” He yells back, smiling at my attempt to remove his saliva from my face.

“I DIDN’T THINK YOU WERE SERIOUS!”

“Hey, at least it worked. Look at you, conscious and everything,” I can’t resist from laughing.

“Well, this has been a great start to the day,” Sarcasm is evident in my voice, but when is it not?

“Start? It’s already the afternoon. You slept for a solid 11 hours Ky,” I roll my eyes at him, “I don’t blame you though, last night was kind of exhausting,” He winks at me, and begins laughing when he can see me start to blush.

“Yeah, for ME. You just sat there and made me do all the work,” I’m not complaining though, anytime Stan’s dick is inside of me is time well spent.

“Well I have a big game today, so I had to save my strength,” He does have a point there. We have been together for a couple of weeks, but this is the first game I’m going to as Stan’s boyfriend. He’s really excited about it, and so am I.

“Alright, well I have to take a shower so I can get all dolled up for you,” I pick myself up and make my way to Stan’s restroom.

“Wait,” I hear him call out, “Can I join you?” I feel shivers run down my spine.

“I thought we were in a rush,” I raise my eyebrows. He looks up at his clock.

“I think we have a couple of minutes to spare,” He puts on his best flirtatious face.

“Fine, you can join me,” I pretend to not be ecstatic at the thought of taking a shower with Stan. I enter his restroom and turn his shower on, adjusting it slightly until it’s the perfect temperature. I lift my shirt over my head, suddenly aware Stan is watching me. He’s such a perv. I drop my boxers down to my ankles and kick them off, and proceed to hop into the shower. I can hear Stan throwing his clothes onto the floor and walking towards the shower.

“Damn Ky,” I turn my head to find him admiring the lower half of my body.

“STAN STOP STARING AT MY ASS! YOU KNOW I GET SELF-CONSCIOUS!” I unsuccessfully try covering as much of my body as I can with my hands. He moves closer to me and grabs my hands away from my body. He stares into my eyes and smiles.

“Sorry, it’s not my fault you have a bubble butt,” He leans in and kisses me. Once his lips are on mine, I go crazy. He pushes me up against the shower wall and continues his assault on my lips. We both can’t help but let moans escape our lips. I feel his tongue enter my mouth and I want to melt into his arms. He pushes his dick against my thigh, and I can feel that it’s as hard as a rock.

I let my hand travel down his back to his ass. I feel a little hypocritical about getting after Stan for admiring my ass, because I can’t help but love cupping his. He’s an athlete, so his ass is toned and feels amazing in my grasp. At this point he’s practically grinding his dick against my thigh, eager for release. I decide to help him out so I reach down and wrap my hand around his cock. I begin stroking it slowly, earning heavy sighs from Stan.

He pulls his lips from mine and begins kissing my neck, which drives me insane. I begin picking up the pace on his dick. “Suck it Kyle,” He demands. I comply with his order and drop to my knees, taking his length into my mouth. He moans loudly and grips my hair. I begin going lower and lower, until I’m able to take all of him into my mouth. He takes control, which I have no problem with, and begins ramming his dick down my throat. “I’m almost there,” he says as he increases his speed and grips harder onto my hair. All of a sudden I feel his load travel down my throat. He pulls his dick out of my mouth since he knows I’m not able to swallow all of his cum, “You’re a pretty good cock-sucker, Ky,” he says as he leans against the shower, laughing and panting at the same time.

“Stan, I think that’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

We quickly finish up our shower and dry ourselves. I don’t have time to go over to my house to change, so I throw on the Jeans I had on the previous night and slip into one of Stan’s pullover “South Park Cows” sweaters. I don’t usually show “school spirit”, but I want Stan to know how proud of him I am and how much I support him.

We both sprint down his stairs and out of the door. We only have about an hour to get to the stadium, and since it isn’t a home game we have to drive all the way to Conifer, one of the many disadvantages of living in a small town. We quickly make our way into his truck, desperate to get out of the relentless and bitter November wind. I shut the door, taking a moment to try and feel my fingers again. I see Stan looking around and underneath his seat.

“You lose something?” I ask while pulling my seatbelt over myself.

“Yeah, I had a CD in here somewhere, but I can’t remember where I put it,” Stan is probably the most unorganized person I know, which I find ironic since I am overly-prepared for nearly every situation at all times. I pull open his glove compartment, and sitting there is what looks like a homemade CD inside a plain green case.

“Is this it?” I hold it up. He looks over and his face lights up.

“Yeah, thanks,” He grabs it and pops it in.

“What is it?” I ask, curious as to why he is putting a CD in when we could just use our phones and his audio jack.

“I burned a CD for our road trip!” he says, almost sounding offended, but a smile still on his face.

“Would an hour drive even be considered a road trip?” He narrows his eyes in a way that makes him look like my mom about to scold me.

“Must you always be such a downer? I put a lot of time and energy into this you know?” He just loves guilt tripping me, doesn’t he?

“Aww, I’m sorry,” I lean over and kiss him on the cheek, “Can I hear what songs you put on it?” He hits the play button, and I hear _Chances Are_ by Johnny Mathis come on, which Stan knows is one of my favorites. I look at him adoringly, which he responds to by smiling modestly.

“I know you love these oldie songs, so I just thought-” I lean in and put my lips over his. It’s soft and quick, but still as intoxicating as any other kiss with Stan. We don’t say anything else as he pulls out of his drive-way. I stare at his face while he drives, admiring every detail of it. With each song that passes, I realize more and more how in love with him I am.

I look out of the window at the sidewalk along our suburban world. I always find it fascinating that you can tell when the weather is cold just by looking at the concrete on the sidewalk, or at the sky hidden behind the clouds. You don’t have to feel the cold air to see how dull the world becomes. But for some reason, right now as I sit in this car with Stan Marsh, the faded sky looks vibrant.  
                                                                                                  
                                                                                                 ()

We spend most of the car ride talking about our childhood, and how different things are now. When we were younger, I don’t think either of us thought we would be here, sitting in a car listening to Patsy Cline, on our way to Stan’s first game together as a couple. As we get closer to the stadium, I see him get more and more fidgety. Stan is still completely in the closet to everyone aside from Wendy, Kenny and Butters, so I know he must be nervous for everyone to find out he’s dating me. I place my hand over his every now and then, hoping to try and comfort him.

We finally see the stadium, minutes away from Stan’s check-in time. Once we park, we both sit in silence for a few moments, both fully realizing that in a few moments, our relationship is going to be out in the open. Truth-be-told, I don’t think many people actually care who I’m dating, but Stan is actually a pretty popular guy. When the school sees him holding hands with a boy, it might be a bit of a shock to them.

“You ready?” he asks, trying to sound nonchalant, but I can hear the trembling in his voice.

“Yeah, I think I am,” with that, he nods, opens his door, and steps out to begin heading toward the stadium. I follow close behind him. As we get closer to the front doors, I feel his hands wrap around mine.  We enter the stadium and make our way towards the bleachers. With every step we take up the stairs, I feel more and more eyes laying on us. I lean in close to him.

“They’re staring,” I try to speak as softly as possible, not wanting to show the uneasiness that was consuming me. He squeezes my hand tightly, and I think I hear him laugh.

“Just ignore them, Ky,” he says in the most comforting voice imaginable, “Right now, pretend it’s just me and you.” I feel the redness in my face disappear as I begin to calm down. Stan always knows how to calm me down, which makes me feel shitty since I was supposed to be the one calming _him_ down. We approach the top row of the bleachers, and I make out a familiar face staring at me

“Wendy?” she’s wearing skinny jeans and a purple bomber jacket. Yep that’s definitely her. She smiles and motions for me to come over. I look over to Stan, who’s very obviously trying to avoid eye contact with his ex. It’s been awkward trying to repair my friendship with Wendy over the last few weeks while also dating the person who she cheated on, but Stan has been really understanding about it. He doesn’t even seem to hold any resentment towards her since she’s the reason we’re dating at all. Still though, I don’t exactly expect them to immediately become best friends.

“I’m gonna start getting ready Ky,” he blurts out, trying to break the tension, “I’ll see you after the game, okay?” I smile at him and nod.

“Alright, good luck Stan,” I give him a modest kiss on the cheek, and with that he begins descending down the steps. I turn back to Wendy and walk over to her, taking a seat to her right, “I didn’t expect to see you here, did you come alone?”

“I was going to hitch a ride with Red, but she cancelled last minute so I just took the bus.”

“You took an hour long bus ride just for a school football game?” Wendy has shown zero interest in sports over the past few years. I know because I remember it starting dozens of fights between Wendy and Stan when they were dating.

“Yeah, I just,” she laughs, realizing how ridiculous it sounded, “I guess I just needed something to take my mind off of things.”

What kind of “things” is she talking about? School? No, the way she said it sounded like it was bigger than school. Before I can ask, the band starts playing, indicating the start of the game. My eyes are drawn to the field, and once the players start entering I begin searching for Stan, but the distance makes it hard to spot his number.

“He’s over there,” I look over to see Wendy pointing towards the field, “Over by the water coolers,” I can finally see where she’s pointing, and I make out the number “19” on one of the uniforms. Yeah, that’s him. He looks so confident in his uniform, and I can tell he’s laughing with one of the other players, which pastes a grin onto my face. I also can’t help but find Stan really hot when he’s in his uniform. I don’t want to sound pervy, but it’s hard not to want him to fuck you over a table while he’s wearing that uniform. I feel my face begin to heat up as I realize I’m having sex fantasies about my boyfriend in public. I realize the players are getting into their positions, so I pull myself out of my thoughts and try to focus on the game.

I feel really bad that I know as little about football as I do, especially since it’s such a huge part of Stan’s life. I’ve been to dozens of Stan’s games, and I still am usually confused half of the game. It’s most likely due to the fact that my eyes never leave Stan, so I don’t pay attention to what the other players are doing. He’s told me before that he’s a Running Back, but I’m still not exactly sure what that means. Whatever it is that he does, I do know that he’s pretty damn good at it.

The game is filled with cheers from the crowd at an almost deafening volume. Even Wendy, who is pretty reserved, lets out a few shrieks every now and then. As the game reaches its final minute, our team is only one touchdown away from winning. The stadium becomes relatively silent, aside from the few parents of the players who can’t contain their support. Before I realize it our school Quarterback, Clyde, hurls the ball down the field and player 19 catches the ball and begins running-. Wait, player 19!! That’s fucking Stan!! Stan has the ball and is running down the field! The silence of the stadium from before is completely broken and all eyes are on Stan. I see one of the players on the other team approaching Stan and I nearly jump out of my seat. I’m filled with so much adrenaline I want to run a marathon. The player is nearing Stan and the same rate he’s nearing the end zone. I can’t watch so I shut my eyes. All of a sudden, the stadium is filed with cheering and I open one eye to see Stan in the end zone, being nearly lifted up by his team mates. I look over to see Wendy out of her seat, smiling and cheering just as loud as everyone else. I decide to do the same, overwhelmed with pride. Soon, the stadium calms down and Stan’s team essentially carry him into the locker room.

“Wow that was… intense,” I mutter, still feeling a little jittery.

“Yeah, Stan is…” a smile forms on her face, “He’s really great,” she looks up at me, “I mean like at football, you know? I think he might even be offered a scholarship.”

“Honestly, I really think he might, especially after tonight, I mean that was amazing,” she nods along with me, “Well, I’m gonna go look for him. It was really nice seeing you Wendy,” I get up and begin making my way toward the stairs.

“Wait Kyle,” I turn back around, “Do you maybe wanna hang out sometime? I’ve had a lot of free time lately, and I think it’d be nice for me and you to just… catch up.”

“Yeah, sure,” I can’t help but laugh a little at how delicate she looks right now. It’s so out of character for her.

“Okay, I’ll text you?”

“Sounds good,” with that I finally begin approaching the field. The players are already emerging from the locker room so I just begin scanning the area for Stan. I spot Clyde, who I know Stan is pretty close to, so I walk over to him, “Hey Clyde, have you seen Stan?” He looks up at me, with what I can only describe as a shocked face.

“Yeah, he’s taking a shower,” I’m a little taken aback since Stan usually waits until he gets home to shower, “So Broflovski, is it true you and Marsh are bumping uglies?” He asks with skepticism apparent on his face.

“What?” He sighs.

“Are you guys fucking?”

“Oh. OH. Yeah we are, well I mean we aren’t just fucking, I mean having sex, we’re kind of a thing, but this is the first time we’re making it public, and by “it” I mean our relationship, not the fuckin-“

“Dude,” Luckily, he stops my rambling of nonsense. I forgot how bad I am at talking to guys my own age, “It’s cool, I get it. I was just curious,” He’s still trying to hold himself back from laughing, “I’m happy for you guys.”

“Oh, um thanks,” With that he gives me an awkward nod and walks away. Despite how horrible that interaction may have seemed, I consider it about as successful as it could have went. I mean I haven’t really even talked to Clyde since middle school, so can anyone blame me for not knowing what to do or say?

About 10 minutes pass before I finally see Stan emerge from the locker room. He changed back into his clothes and seems to have combed his hair. I run up to him and wrap him in my embrace, sending him staggering backwards, which I attribute to his soreness from the game since he could break me like a twig.

“Stan, you were amazing out there,” I squeeze him tighter.

“Thanks, I just happened to be in the right place at the right time I guess,” I scoff at his modesty, wishing he would just admit how great he is. I nuzzle my face into his neck. He smells good, too good for someone who just spent two hours running back and forth across a field.

“Why’d you shower?” I let him go and stare up into his brown eyes. He just stares right back down at me, staying silent.

“Can I show you something?”

“Um, yeah sure. What is it?” Without answering, he takes hold of my hand and guides me into the locker room.

“Wait here, I’ll go get it.” I decide to take a seat on one of the locker room benches. Usually I would try to get Stan to give me a hint as to what his surprise is, but I know Stan enough to know he would never budge. About 5 minutes pass before Stan re-enters the locker room. I can tell from his body language that he’s nervous, “Close your eyes.” I roll my eyes and comply with his demand as a smile subtly forms on my face. I feel his hand wrap around my wrist, so I pick myself up and allow him to lead me. I begin to feel grass underneath my feet, so I can tell we are back onto the field. The silence in the air lets me know that the stadium is completely empty, “Okay,” he lets go of my wrist, “You can open your eyes now.”

I open my eyes, and on the field is a red blanket with a picnic basket. Everything is illuminated by candles on the perimeter of the blanket. It’s simple, but so beautiful.

“Stan, what is this?” He’s blushing more than I’ve ever seen before

“Well I was just thinking about how we haven’t really had a first date yet. I mean yeah we have hung out together, but never really a date,” He looks to the ground, “I guess a picnic in November was a dumb idea, huh?”

“NO,” I yell, startling both me and Stan, “no, I love it. Stan, this is,” I feel myself getting teary eyed, “This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me,” He visibly relaxes and lets out a sigh of relief.

“In that case, shall we?” He motions to the blanket. I let out a laugh that can only be compared to a school girl giggle.

“I’d love to,” I take a seat next to him. He opens the picnic basket and begins emptying the contents of it onto the blanket. I can make out what appears to be two homemade sandwiches, a container filled with strawberries, and two cans of Dr. Pepper.

“I’m sorry if the sandwiches aren’t good. They’re turkey so don’t worry about them being kosher,” He looks up and me and hands me one of the sandwiches.

“Thanks Stan, but you didn’t have to do that. You know I’m not strict about eating Kosher.”

“I know,” He takes a bite into his sandwich, “I just wanted to make sure everything was perfect.” My heart is soaring. Through all my years of knowing him, I never knew Stan could be this thoughtful.

“You’re the best,” I say as I take a bite into my sandwich. It tastes 1000x better knowing that Stan took the time out of his day to make this. I know that I’m probably making too big of a deal out of a sandwich, but things like this make me overjoyed.

“Do you like it?” He looks at me with awaiting eyes, as if my answer determines the future of his happiness.

“It’s perfect,” He smiles proudly and continues eating his sandwich. After we’re both done, we fall onto our backs and look up at the stars in silence. They look brighter out here than they do in South Park. I begin reminiscing about the times we used to camp out in Stan’s backyard and watch the sky just like this. We would spell out dirty words hidden in the stars, then we would talk about our parents, and the things we wished were different. I wonder if he still remembers those nights. I feel his hand wrap around mine, and I slide my head into the crevasse between his neck and shoulder.

“Kyle,” He finally breaks the silence.

“Yeah?” The silence is filled by his breath.

“I love you,” The weight of his words don’t hit me all at once. It takes me a moment to realize that this is the first time he has said those words to me. It takes me a moment to realize that I used to stay up nights praying that I would one day hear him tell me he loves me. It takes me a moment to realize that Stan Marsh loves me. I nuzzle closer into him.

“I love you too, so much.” I say, hoping to convey to him how much he means to me, but I know that no amount of words could ever accomplish that.

()

I feel bad making Stan drive home, because I can tell that he’s exhausted. But unfortunately, I’m still a few months from getting my license. I try to keep my eyes open so that I can keep Stan company, but I feel myself slowly drifting to sleep.  The drive back home feels much shorter than the drive to the stadium, because before I know it we are pulling up to my house.

“Goodnight,” Stan whispers and he unlocks the car doors.

“Night Stan, I had a great time,” I lean over to kiss him before pushing the door open and essentially sprinting to my front steps. I enter my house silently and make my way up to my room. I’m exhausted, but I sit on the edge of my bed for a few moments, trying to cling onto the blissful events of today for as long as possible. After a few moments, I fall onto my back, too lazy to even get under the covers, and drift to sleep.

()

“Kyle,” I open my eyes to the sound of my name. I look around but my room is still pitch black, so I can’t make anyone out.

“Stan, is that you?” I pull myself up so that I’m no longer laying down.

“No, it’s Wendy,” I reach over and turn on my bedside table lamp. Wendy stood casually at the foot of my bed.

“Why the hell are you in my room at,” I look over to my alarm clock, “3:36 in the morning?!?”

“You weren’t answering your phone!”

“Because like a normal human being, I was SLEEPING!” I pinch my nose, trying to get a hold of my anger, “Whatever, just what is it that you need?” She sighs, and walks over to the side of the bed and plops down onto it.

“I’m sorry, I know this is weird and I probably should have waited until the morning. But there’s something I really have to tell you Kyle.”


	2. Trying To Forget

I rummage through my closet, pulling out the first set of presentable clothes I lay my eyes on and throw them on. She’s wrong. She _has_ to be wrong. I feel my eyes burning from tears welling up, but I try to calm down. I’m just overreacting. Her mom was just misinformed, and I just have to talk to Stan and everything will be okay. She has to be wrong.

I slip into my blue Converse and jog down the stairs. Maybe I’m being impulsive by dealing with this at 6 in the morning, but I have been sitting on this information for two hours and it can’t wait any longer. I have to know. I push the front door open, and I can make out the sun appearing over the house across the street, but I don’t take the time to admire it and I jog over to Stan’s house. She _has_ to be wrong. I think back to our conversation and consider any other explanation for why she might think it’s true.

()

_“But there’s something I really have to tell you Kyle,” She is facing the wall opposite of where I’m sitting, refusing to look at me. The dejection of her words immediately set off an alarm in my head._

_“Okay, what is it? What’s wrong?”_

_“Stan’s leaving,” her words leave quickly and are almost as quiet as the silence that follows them._

_“What? What do you mean?” I crawl over to where she’s sitting so that I can get a clear look at her face. A single tear is slowly traveling down her cheek, but her facial expression remains dull, and she continues staring at the wall._

_“His parents, they’re getting a divorce. His mom is leaving to California and taking him with her. He’s leaving,” Her last sentence forces her face to momentarily break her trance-like expression, and I can almost even hear her voice breaking._

_“No… that’s not possible. He would have told me. I was just with him-“_

_“I know, I have no idea why he hasn’t told you yet. I just, I know how much you care about him and you deserve to know something this huge,” She sighs heavily and wipes her face off, “I’m sorry, I feel so shitty just coming here and dropping this load of shit on you… I just… I thought it would be better you know as early as possible,” I stare blankly at her. I see no sign of her lying or playing some sort of joke on me, which she would have no reason to do, but I don’t believe the words coming out of her mouth. They can’t be true._

_“How do you even know this? Maybe you misheard a rumor in school and-“_

_“My mom ran into his mom at that Rhinoplasty place, and they talked about it. I don’t know all of the details, but you should talk to Stan as soon as possible,” I mindlessly nod at her and she hops off of my bed, “Again, I’m sorry. I feel like such a bitch just dropping by at 3 in the morning and… Oh god I should have waited until the morning shouldn’t I?“ She buries her face into her hands, “I just couldn’t sleep thinking about it.”_

_“No, you shouldn’t feel bad, thank you for telling me I just… Something has to be wrong. I trust you, but I just need to hear this from him.”_

_“Yeah I understand, you should probably get some rest and talk to him in the morning,” I nod to appease her, but I have no intention of getting sleep. With that she walks out of my room, leaving me alone with my thoughts for the next two hours._

()

I am about to knock on his front door before realizing his parents probably aren’t up yet. I decide to climb up to his window, which I used to do when I was younger. It’s been a while, but I don’t really have any other alternative. I make it up to his window pane, and I reach out and push against the glass. The window hurts my hand due to its freezing temperature, but I ignore it and manage to get the glass open. I crawl into his bedroom to find his mattress empty. I hear the sink running in his bathroom, which probably means he’s brushing his teeth. I immediately begin to feel ridiculous. I snuck into my boyfriend’s bedroom at 6 in the morning to interrogate him? Despite the rising embarrassment resulting from my horrible life choices, I decide to stand my ground, since attempting to escape through his 2nd story window would most likely just add onto the shame.

I hear the water turn off, which is followed by Stan walking through the door.

“Kyle? What are you doing here?” I realize I haven’t exactly planned out what to say, so I mutter out the first thing that comes to my mind.

“Are you moving to California with your mom?” Wow, that was straight to the point. His expression quickly changes to gentle curiosity to extreme confusion.

“How did you…How did you know that?”

“So then… It’s true?”

“Who told you?”

“Wendy did. Now yes or no, is it true?” I try to act intimidating.

“Yes.” I don’t exactly know how to react. Maybe the reality of the situation hasn’t set in yet, or maybe it has and I was already expecting his answer. We both just stand there for a moments, but the silence isn’t awkward, it’s just necessary. I can tell he wants to say more, but he’s not sure what.

“I’m sorry, about your parents. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through,” He is taken aback, either by the break in silence or by the mention of his parent’s divorce. He slightly nods his head as acknowledgement, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I just…I couldn’t. Not you,” I only partially understand what he means, but his answer is enough for now.

“Well, when do you leave?” I take a couple of steps towards him and sit on his desk chair.

“My mom is going to let me finish this school year. I leave in May,” A small weight is lifted off of my chest, and I smile at him to try and let him know I’m not too devastated.

“Well that’s good at least, I thought it was going to be sometime soon. I mean the thought of finding out you had to move away in like a few days would be too much-”

“Kyle, I don’t think we should date anymore,” His sentence pierces through the air, and after a few moments into my chest.

“…What?” The smile remains on my face, my mind still clinging onto the idea that maybe he’s joking.

“I just… I don’t think us being together is a good idea,” the smile fades away, and a look of anger replaces it.

“I don’t understand,” He remains staring at the ground, “You can’t just say you don’t want to be together because it’s ‘not a good idea’! Now give me an explanation! What the hell do you mean you don’t want to be together?!” Despite the volume of my voice, Stan remains relatively calm.

“If you want an explanation Kyle, I can’t give you one. It’s as simple as it sounds. Us being together just isn’t a good idea,” Tears threaten to escape my eyes for the second time today. I get up out of the seat and walk up to him.

“I’m not leaving until you tell me why,” I whisper, knowing if I raise my voice the dams that are my tear ducts will overflow. He continues staring down onto the floor, “Tell me why!” I shove him, but it fails to move him, “Look at me you fucking coward, and tell me why!” I shove him harder, which sends him staggering back a few steps. At this point I’m bawling my eyes out, not caring about how much of a mess I probably look like right now. He finally looks up at me. His eyes are red, tears evident in his eyes.

“I can’t,” There’s a sternness in his voice that I’ve never heard before. It tells me that I’m not going to get an answer. I quickly walk over to his door and swing it open. I think I can make out his mom sitting in his kitchen, but I ignore her and walk out of his front door, I stop for a moment, wondering if I should go back up there and tell him a thousand more things I want to say, but I don’t. I just shut the door behind me.

()

It takes about 4 hours of uncontrollable sobbing in my bed for me to full grasp that Stan is no longer my boyfriend. My anger has subsided into a deep sullenness, and tears stopped actually falling from my eyes a couple of hours ago.  I am trying to wrap my head around everything. The swiftness of it all. None of it makes any sense. I think back to the picnic last night, about how he told me he loved me. Was that all bullshit? Stan seemed so sure that he wanted to end things today, so that means he must have known last night. It had to be bullshit.

I begin searching through my blankets for my phone, and when I find it I pull up my messages.

_1 New Message from Wendy_

_Wendy- Hey, how did things go with Stan?_

I stare at the message for a few moments before deciding what to reply.

_Me- You were right. Everything you said was right. Can you come over?_

Less than a minute after I send the message I hear my phone buzz.

_Wendy- I’m on my way._

Sure enough, Wendy arrives at my house in a few minutes. She greets me at the door with a tight hug and a warm smile. Other than me filling her in on what had occurred a few hours earlier, we surprisingly spend a small amount of time talking about Stan. I think that we both want to avoid the subject, so we talk about small things like school and the upcoming holidays, which actually does manage to lift my spirits a bit.

I notice that every once in a while, Wendy will look down at her phone and her smile disappears. After she does this for about the tenth time, I decide to bring it up.

“Is something wrong?” I motion to her phone. It seems to take her a couple of moments to figure out what I’m referring to. 

“Oh, no, it’s nothing really,” She looks up at me and can tell I don’t believe her, “Okay fine, there’s this party that Clyde invited me to and I was gonna go but well...” Her sentence ends abruptly, but I can tell what she was going to say.

“But you’re stuck here being an emotional support system for me,” I say, hoping she gets that the sass in my voice is aimed at me rather than her.

“NO, that’s not it at all. Ugh this is why I didn’t want to tell you Kyle. I would much rather be here with you than at some dumb high school party full of drunk teens,” I look at her affectionately, touched by her sentiment.

“Thank you Wendy, that honestly really means a lot to me,” I place my hand on her shoulder, “But we’re going to that party,” I pick myself up off of the floor and head to my closet, already picking out what I’m going to wear.

“Are- Are you sure? We can seriously just stay home and watch Full House reruns if you want,” I wonder if she is referring to those times back in middle school when we would have day long Full House marathons at her house.

“I just need something to distract myself with right now. I don’t want to have to think about…” I decide to finish my sentence right there. I can’t bring myself to say his name. It’s strange how 24 hours ago his name made my heart soar, and now the thought of it makes my stomach feel as though it’s filled with bricks.

Luckily, Wendy decides not to protest anymore and calls Clyde, telling him to come and pick us up. I don’t really know what is compelling me to go to this party. I’m the type of person to avoid social interaction when I’m devastated, yet I want nothing more than to go to a house that’s most likely full of complete strangers. I decide to ignore my sudden change of character and just go with it. I just want to forget.

Clyde shows up about 10 minutes later in the 2016 Honda Accord he got for his last birthday, and me and Wendy sprint to the car, desperately trying to avoid the light rain dropping down on us. Wendy enters the passenger seat, so I essentially crawl into the backseat. I try to hide the fact that I’m intensely shivering, because I have a strange need to convince Clyde that I’m not totally pathetic. Clyde looks back at me confused, and I start panicking that maybe Wendy didn’t inform him that I was coming.  Just as I open my mouth to begin explaining, he interjects.

“Is Stan not coming?” The car becomes completely silent, aside from the rain hitting the car windows.

“No, he isn’t.” I think that he’s able to read the tone in my voice because he nods sympathetically and turns around to start the car, not pushing the topic any further. I realize that I have yet to tell anyone besides Wendy what happened. Kenny. Butters. I groan internally at the idea of those painful conversations.

Clyde begins to drive, and I turn my head to the right as we pass Stan’s house. I see that his bedroom light is on. A part of me wonders what he’s doing. I wonder if he’s watching The Avengers, or maybe playing a video game. I wonder if he has thought at all about me since this morning. I wonder if he’s happy. If he’s content. I hope that he is. The other part of me just wants to look away.

()

I fall asleep during the car ride since I’ve been awake since 3 in the morning. I awake to the sudden movement of the car stopping. We’re parked in front of a relatively normal looking suburban house, albeit a bit bigger than the ones on my street. I don’t recognize it, so we must be a little bit outside of South Park, since South Park only has like 10 houses.

When we exit the car, I already hear the music coming from the house. They seem to be playing classic rock rather than modern day pop, which is a little surprising. I walk behind Clyde and Wendy as they approach the house. Clyde greets a guy at the door who looks a couple of years older than us. I assume that he is the host of the party since Clyde introduces us to him and he welcomes us all in.

I push my way into the house alongside Wendy, relieved to get out of the cold. I look to my left to see that Wendy is walking over to a group of girls taking shots in the kitchen. Just as I predicted, I don’t recognize anyone.  I begin making my way further back in the house, hoping to see someone that I know. I spot a door that is slightly open, so I take a peek inside. It looks like a bedroom, most likely the host’s. The lights are off and it’s completely empty, so I decide to enter. I realize that it is an invasion of this guy’s privacy, but I assume him and the rest of the party guests are going to stay towards the front of the house and won’t even notice that I’m back here. I’m not even sure why I’m compelled to enter. Something about the stillness of the room in contrast to the rest of the house is soothing.

I take a seat on the bed and just stare at the ground. My chest begins to feel heavy and I start feeling the need to cry. I don’t know why I’m here, on a stranger’s bed, on the verge of tears. Yesterday, everything was perfect. And now, everything isn’t right. Maybe I’m at this party so I don’t disappoint Wendy. Maybe I’m here because I want to prove I can still have a good time without Stan. Or maybe I just came here to try and forget.

I see the door open in the corner of my eyes. I turn and see that it’s Wendy.

“Hey Kyle, what are you doing in here?” I pick myself off of the bed and try to give off an aura of confidence.

“Just catching a breather. I have horrible stamina when it comes to partying,” She nods half-heartedly, her eyes absently staring at the floor. I get the sense that she didn’t come into this room searching for me, “Is everything alright?” This seems to pull her out of her trance and she forces a smile.

“Yeah, yeah everything is great, I just came back here to um, to put some makeup on,” She stumbles forward towards the restroom near the back of the bedroom. I grab her by the shoulder to keep her from falling and hurting herself.

“Are you drunk?” I look deeply into her eyes, which don’t look back into mine. A defensive look appears on her face.

“What?!? No! I just had like 3 or 5 shots,” She escapes from my hold on her and continues her journey towards the restroom.

“Are you sure everything is okay?” I still sense that something is bothering her. She turns her head towards me.

“Kyle, I’m fine. Now go and enjoy the party, I think I saw Kenny in the living room. Go talk with him. Have some fun, you deserve it,” She pushes the door open and disappears into the restroom.

()

Sure enough, I spot Kenny in the living room. It looks strange seeing him without Butters by his side, but I know that Butters’ parents would have never let him go to a party out of town, especially on a Sunday night. Kenny and about 10 other people, including Craig, Token, and couple of other football players, are gathered in a circle smoking pot. I think about going up to him and saying hi, but he looks a little occupied with getting high. I turn my back and start heading towards the kitchen when I hear Kenny yell my name. I think about ignoring it since from the tone of his voice I can already tell he’s completely high

“Kyle!!! Come over here man!” His voice is too loud for me to pretend I don’t hear him, so I turn around and begin approaching him.

“Hey Ken! I didn’t see you there!” It’s pretty apparent that I’m lying, but he’s so high that it seems to go right past him. He just keeps a huge smile on his face.

“Dude, where’s Stan??” An exaggerated look of concern spreads across his face. I decide that telling him about what happened in front of about 10 other people isn’t ideal, so I once again choose the easier route, AKA the lying route.

“He couldn’t make it, he had to stay up late doing a project for Chemistry.” Of all the lies I could have chosen, I had to go with the most unbelievable. Stan hasn’t done his homework in all of the years I’ve known him. However, he seems to buy it and his cartoonish grin returns to his face.

“You want some?” He holds the blunt up to my face.

“I’m gonna have to pass on that, thanks though,” I gently push his hand away.

“C’mon Kyle, loosen up a bit,” He returns his hand to my face, “Just one puff?” I drop to my knees and sigh.

“Fine, just one though,” Kenny gives me a pat on the shoulder and hands me the blunt. I’m surprised at myself for agreeing to do this, especially with such little persistence on Kenny’s part. I simply credit it to the fact that half of the party’s eyes are on me, but I know deep down that there is another factor involved. I hold the blunt to my lips, and Kenny holds up the lighter and lights it for me. I inhale deeply, feeling the smoke travel down my throat until it settles in my lungs. I begin to violently cough as Kenny takes the blunt from me and passes it to Craig. He pats my back when he notices I’m still coughing. I would feel embarrassed, but I figure that when someone inhales smoke down their throat, they’re bound to cough at least a little.

I always thought that when people smoke weed, they get high immediately after inhaling it, but that’s not the case at all. When I take my first hit, I feel absolutely nothing. Then when I take my second, still nothing. Then my third. Then my fourth. Then my fifth. Then I start to realize how heavy gravity is, and how I can feel every bit of it on my skin. I realize that the taste of nothingness has a very distinct taste to it, but I can’t decide if I like it or not. I realize that I have been swaying back and forth for what has felt like hours, which for some reason makes me starting laughing uncontrollably.

I pick myself up off the floor and begin wandering the house aimlessly. I can’t tell if I’m running or walking, but either way it feels exhilarating. As I pass one of the rooms closer to the back of the house, I hear someone call my name from inside it. My lack of sobriety forces me to follow the source of the noise and enter the room. The lights are off but I make out what appears to be a pool table, and a couch is lying directly next to me.

I hear the door close behind me, which causes me to abruptly spin around. I see a figure, and after a few moments my eyes adjust to the darkness and I can make out a face.

“Craig? What the hell are you doing back here?” He doesn’t answer me and instead lunges forward and places his lips on mine. I’m completely caught off guard, and it takes me a few seconds to even register what’s happening. Why the hell is Craig Tucker kissing me? I push him off of me, “Dude, what the hell are you doing?”

“Shut the hell up, you know you like it Broflovski,” He then returns his lips to mine, completely disregarding my obvious resistance to the kiss. He pushes me down onto the couch, and I feel his tongue enter my mouth. Once again, I shove him away from me, except this time I forcefully meet his face with hand. We are both taken aback.

“Dude, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to-” He lifts his hand up and I subsequently feel severe pain on my nose. I instinctively raise my palms to my face, although it does little to stop the pain. I hear him walk away and open the door, mumbling “faggot” as he slams the door behind him. I drop my palms to see that there’s blood on them. Great. My nose is bleeding. I don’t know where any of the restrooms are, so I decide to try and find the one in the bedroom I was in earlier. I surprisingly manage to remember where it is. It turns out that being punched in the face is a very sobering experience.

When I enter the bedroom, I notice that the restroom light is on and the door is shut. As I approach it, I hear that a girl is crying in there. I almost wonder if I should just leave and find another restroom, but then I realize that the last person I left in here was Wendy, and I haven’t seen her at the party since. I walk up to the door and knock.

“Wendy? Is that you in there?” I get no reply, but I recognize the cry as Wendy’s, so I decide to open the door. Luckily, it’s unlocked and I make my way in. I find Wendy sitting next to the toilet, mascara running down her face, and a half empty bottle of vodka sitting beside her. She looks up at me, and I can see the pain in her eyes.

“Kyle…I-” She starts sobbing again.

“Wendy, what’s wrong?” She shakes her head, as if to indicate that nothing is bothering her, “Wendy don’t bullshit me. What’s been bothering you? I’ve noticed you’ve been down for a while now. Just please tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s just,” She runs her hand through her hair, letting out a joyless laugh, “Things are so fucked up.”

“What do you mean? What kind of things?” I try to put on my most comforting voice.

“I-I can’t tell you. Not _you_.”

“What the hell does that mean? Wendy I’m your friend, you can tell me anything,” I then notice a necklace in her hands that I didn’t see when I first came in. I immediately recognize it. It was Stan’s one year anniversary gift to her. It’s actually a locket that has a picture of both of them inside. I know because I remember helping Stan pick it out for her. Then it all starts to make sense. My conversation with her at the stadium. The way she looked at Stan. The way she cried over him leaving this morning. I walk over to Wendy and take a seat beside her, “You’re still in love with him, aren’t you?” I look over to her face to try and see some sort of reaction, but I get none. However, her silence is enough to confirm my accusation.

“Are you mad?” She weakly asks. I put my arm around her and pull her head onto my shoulder.

“Wendy, I could never be mad at you for something like that. I know that he has this unrelenting hold on people. I, of all people, should know,” I hear her take a sigh of relief.

“But, you’re going through so much worse shit than me. And I’m here acting like a selfish bitch who can’t let go of the past,” She momentarily lets out a sob, but manages to contain herself pretty quickly.

“We’re both going through pretty fucked up shit Wendy, it doesn’t matter who has it worse,” I place my head on hers, “I’m going to help you through this just like you helped me today. I promise. We’re both going to get over Stan Marsh.”

“That’s easier said than done.”

“I know, but in a few months Stan is going to leave South Park. Time will go on and one day it will seem like I never even knew him,” The solemn words leave my mouth with a hesitant confidence.

“Is that what you want? To forget?” She lifts her head off of my shoulders and looks at me.

“It’s not so much that I _want_ to forget. I just think that I have to. I have spent too many nights hoping that Stan and I end up together. I just… I can’t spend anymore. The only way that I’m ever going to get over Stan is if I forget about him,” I realize now that a couple of tears have come down my face during this conversation. The words I speak aren’t comforting to me, but they do help me grasp the reality of my situation a little better.

“By the way, what the hell happened to your nose?” I hold my finger up to my face and remember that my nose is bleeding.

“It’s a long story, I’ll tell you later. Plus you’re not much one too talk about appearance. You look like a disaster right now Wendy,” She lightly punches my arm, and I think I hear a laugh emit from her.

The sound of glass breaking, and a subsequent cheer from the party from just a few yards away is heard by me and Wendy. I hear her chuckle lightly, “Hey, Kyle can I tell you something?”

“Yeah sure, what is it?”

“I didn’t even really want to come to this party,” We both sit in silence for a while, with the distant music vibrating the tile beneath us.

“Then why did you?” She looks at me little confused, either from the unexpected question, or from her not knowing the answer herself.

“I guess that I wanted to try and forget too.”

()

We decide to go after I clean the blood from my nose. The party is still going strong when we leave since it’s only about 9 P.M. I try to look for Kenny to say bye, but I can’t find him, so I assume he’s either passed out somewhere or went home. We hop in Clyde’s car and take off towards South Park. I look up to see that there’s a full moon out tonight. It looks so beautiful and comforting, and it’s so huge that I wonder how I didn’t see it there earlier. Something about it makes me feel better, at least for a moment. I try not to reminisce about the events of today, and try not to think about the happenings of tomorrow. I try to just think about this moment, and I try to be content with it.


End file.
